Waar’s die sleutels?
Februarie 15, 2015 at 9:22 nm Olga 19 Kommentaar
Ons is al meer as ‘n dekade hier in die Laeveld. Ons het nog altyd net eenkeer per maand mis (kerk) gehad. Het al tot vervelens toe gevra vir nog diens, al is dit net een keer. Mens kan nie deur die lewe gaan met mis net eenkeer per maand nie.
Wel, laat in verlede jaar, kry ons toe uit die bloute dat ‘n padre instem. Elke tweede Sondag in die middag en elke vierde Sondag in die oggend. Maar in elk geval, vanmiddag was dit weer so. Gister middag sms gekry, “Mass tomorrow.” Kom ons toe terug van die kerk af en Homer vra “Waar is die huis se sleutels?” Ek antwoord, “Jy het dit gehad.” Hy op sy beurt weer “Jy het die deur gesluit.” Ek: “Nee, nee, nee. Jy het. Onthou , jy het gesukkel met die middeldeur.” Hy: “Toe doen jy dit.” Ek: “Nee, die middeldeur is toe nie gesluit nie, onthou? Jy het uitgeloop met die sleutels.”
Teen die tyd weet ek al hy sal nooit erken hy het die sleutels gehad nie. Sleutels net soos die tv/dekodeerder se afstandbeheerders, glo hy mos, hy het alleenreg op. Ek het toe maar uit die bakkie geklim en die hek oopgemaak. Ek het eenvoudig net geweet wat ek gaan vind. Daar het die deur en die veiligheidsdeur wawyd oop gestaan met die sleutels in die buitekant van die slot soos net hy dit doen. Ek sluit van die buitekant af met die sleutels wat nog in die binnekant van die veiligheidshek hang.
Dit was ook nie die eerste keer dat dit gebeur het nie. Ek kyk gewoonlik net watter kant van die veiligheidshek die sleutels hang. Dan weet ek wie was skuldig. Geniet die week en bly veilig.
Gedagte van die dag: Gelukkig was alles nog op hulle plekke.
Entry filed under: Askies????.
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OLGA SE OKSELTJIES 
1.
Laviga Heks | Februarie 15, 2015 om 9:51 nm
Eenste
My ouma gebruik nooit ooit sleutels nie. Sy toor deure oop en toe
2.
Olga | Februarie 16, 2015 om 8:42 vm
Lekker vir jou Ouma, Snip. Ek wens ek kon dit ook doen. Maar dan sal my kop ook raas en vergeet hoe om dit weer oop te sluit.
3.
Laviga Heks | Februarie 16, 2015 om 1:03 nm
Ek gevergeet ook altyd my toorwoorde
4.
Klip | Februarie 15, 2015 om 11:04 nm
Ek mis ook elke Sondag kerk.
Op n meer ernstiger noot , ek hoop julle het die diens geniet.
5.
Klip | Februarie 15, 2015 om 11:11 nm
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, ‘Doc, I think I’m getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.’ ‘That’s not senility,’ replied the doctor. ‘Senility is when you forget to zip down.’
6.
Klip | Februarie 15, 2015 om 11:12 nm
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a ‘sniffing dog’.
‘His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.’
The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, ‘Watch this.’
He told Sniffer to ‘search’.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman’s arm.
The Policeman said, ‘Good boy’, and he turned to the man and said, ‘That woman is in possession of marijuana, I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
‘Gee, that’s pretty good,’ replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent’s arm.
The Policeman said, ‘That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police.’
‘I like it!’ said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to ‘search’ again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to sh*t on the seat.
The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he asked the Policeman, ‘What’s going on?’
The Policeman nervously replied, ‘He’s just found a bomb.'”
7.
Olga | Februarie 16, 2015 om 8:45 vm
š daar was nie “airpockets” of “turbulence’ nodig nie.
8.
Klip | Februarie 15, 2015 om 11:21 nm
A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.
She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect.. No chance here for mistakes.
Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall’s Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.
She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment.
Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on
the glass counter. That did it!
‘And what do you want?’ the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone
of voice.. I’m talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven’t seen in ages,’ he said without waiting for a reply to
his question.
‘Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,’ Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. ‘He’s really, really sick….and I want
to buy a miracle.’
‘I beg your pardon?’
said the pharmacist.
‘His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his
head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how
much does a miracle cost?’
‘We don’t sell miracles here, little girl.
I’m sorry but I can’t help you,’ the pharmacist said, softening
a little.
‘Listen, I have the money to pay for it.. If it isn’t enough, I will
get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.’
The pharmacist’s brother was a well-dressed man. He stooped down
and asked the little girl, ‘What kind of a miracle does your brother
need?’
‘ I don’t know,’ Tess replied with her eyes welling up I just know he’s really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can’t pay for it, so I want to use my money.’
‘How much do you have?’ asked the man from Chicago .
‘One dollar and eleven cents,’ Tess answered barely audible.
‘And it’s all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.’
‘Well, what a coincidence,’ smiled the man. ‘A dollar and eleven cents—the exact price of a miracle for little brothers.’
He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped
her mitten and said ‘Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let’s see if I have the miracle
you need.’
That well-dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon,
specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn’t long until Andrew was home again and doing well.
Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.
‘That surgery,’ her Mom whispered. ‘was a real miracle. I wonder
how much it would have cost?’
Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost….one
dollar and eleven cents…plus the faith of a little child.
9.
Klip | Februarie 15, 2015 om 11:37 nm
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night
when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
‘This is the 21st century, old man,’ he said.
‘We don’t waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my i-Pad.’
I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it…
10.
Olga | Februarie 16, 2015 om 8:49 vm
Whoop whoop aan die 21st century. Nolie, neem kennis ne.
11.
Klip | Februarie 15, 2015 om 11:45 nm
A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘
“Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”
The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”
The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”
The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?”
The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, “Yes” and the Rabbi replied, “Take the poison.”
12.
Xena Phoenix | Februarie 16, 2015 om 8:47 vm
My sleutels het nogal die geneigdheid om voetjies te groei. My kar sleutels speel al amper ‘n jaar lank wegkruipertjie. Ek wonder of dit sal uitkom as ek vir dit ‘n verjaarsdagkoek bak.
13.
Olga | Februarie 16, 2015 om 8:51 vm
š Solank dit nie in lent is nie.
14.
Xena Phoenix | Februarie 16, 2015 om 12:52 nm
Ek weet nie of die sleutels Katoliek is nie.
15.
Spokie sny spoor | Februarie 16, 2015 om 2:27 nm
Nee, sorry, as dit by kerk kom kry ek genoeg. Balans is die antwoord.
16.
Kameel | Februarie 17, 2015 om 12:10 nm
Het manlief toe skuld erken? š
17.
Olga | Februarie 17, 2015 om 6:28 nm
Ai Sally, nie eers amper nie.
18.
Kameel | Februarie 17, 2015 om 7:33 nm
Hoekom is dit vir die mans so moeilik om te erken hulle is verkeerd?
19.
Olga | Februarie 17, 2015 om 8:29 nm
Seker om dieselfde rede hoekom ‘n man ook altyd moet bestuur as ‘n paartjie iewers heengaan?