Kry vir jou Hitler.

Julie 1, 2014 at 10:41 nm 4 Kommentaar

Ek moes vanmiddag inderhaas Hazyview toe gegaan het omdat ek ‘n betaling by Capitec moes gaan maak het. Capitec van alle banke. Maar nou ja, uit vmy eie sal ek nie ‘n vlieende vy daar gaan nie.

Ewentwel, in die dorp van euwels gekom, moes ek eers ENB gaan soek het en toe amper myself te lyf gegaan toe ek gesien het ddat die tou met ‘n hele paar kronkels die sypaadjie oorgeneem het. Plaas dat ek geld gaan trek het voordat ek die pad gevat het. Domheid het mos ‘n prys en ek sou dit moes betaal.

Kort kort kom die stuk lokasie kak in die grys uniform en stap op en af in die kronkel dan verlaat mense die kronkel en gaan staan in ‘n veel korter tou. Die mens praat egter Swahili waarvan al wat ek kan hoor net die “gorra-gorra” is. Dus staan ek maar pik. Ek het al ‘n taamlike ent in die kronkel gang gevorder toe ‘n swart dametjie so drie of vier voor my in ‘n woordewisseling met die Hitler figuur betrokke geraak het. Dit het nogal hittig geraak toe van die ander slangstaanders stemme dikgemaak het en Hitler die aftog geblaas het. Toe draai sy na my en vra of ek ‘n deposito of onttrekking wil maak. Of liewers “Mem ,do you want to pull money or deposiet money”?’ Toe ek “Withdraw”antwoord het sy ‘n oomblik uit die veld gelyk toe het ek maar gou gekorrigeer en gese “pull.”

Toe kom ek agter die kap van die byl oor die argument met die hitler figuur. Sy se toe dat ek in die ander tou moet gaan staan aangesien die kronkel vir ander transaksies is. Vieslike vent het op sy krat gesit en lag toe ek oorgestap het na die ander tou. Maar as hy die Olga geken het, soos ek haar ken, sou hy sy pote weggesteek het. Sy blik Coke ook.

By Capitec bank aangekom, kry ek ‘n nommer en was vertel om my gunsteling stokperdjie te beoefen. IN DIE TOU GAAN SIT. Dit was egter ‘n kort tou. Wonder bo wonder was ek binne vyf minute weer uit die bank. Laat my wonder of ek nie maar my siening oor die bank moet verander nie.

Gedagte van die dag: Dalk is ENB minder BBBEE.


Entry filed under: Askies????.

When all else fails…. Viva vir die keuringsproses.

4 Kommentaar Add your own

  • 1. Klip  |  Julie 2, 2014 om 6:25 nm

    As van die klomp wetters net gouer wou “pull” so die toue ook seker korter gewees het.

    Hazyview is mos die fabriek waar hulle gemaak word?

    • 2. Olga  |  Julie 2, 2014 om 8:31 nm

      heeltemal reg hoor.
      dop elke paar sekondes een van die conveyer af. Met SASSA kaart in die hand.

  • 3. Klip  |  Julie 3, 2014 om 4:17 nm

    Please take time to read this slowly. For those of you who have lived in Natal, South Africa, you know how typical this is. They actually have a curry cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in Pietermaritzburg, Natal.

    Judge 3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.

    Frank: “Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn’t be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted”.

    Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

    CURRY 1 – SEELAN’S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY Judge 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
    Judge 2 — Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
    Judge 3 (Frank) — Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These people are crazy.

    Judge 1 — Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
    Judge 2 — Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
    Judge 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

    CURRY 3 – SHAMILA’S FAMOUS ‘BURN DOWN THE GARAGE’ CURRY Judge 1 — Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
    Judge 2 — A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
    Judge 3 — Call 911. I’ve located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting p*ssed from all the beer.

    CURRY 4 – BABOO’S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY Judge 1 — Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
    Judge 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
    Judge 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT…just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?

    Judge 1 — Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
    Judge 2 — Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong statement.
    Judge 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really p*sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Scr*w them.

    CURRY 6 – VERISHNEE’S VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
    Judge 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
    Judge 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to sh*t myself if I fart and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can’t feel my lips anymore I need to wipe my ar*e with a snow cone ice-cream.

    CURRY 7 – SELINA’S ‘MOTHER-IN-LAW’S-TONGUE’ CURRY Judge 1 — A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
    Judge 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
    Judge 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing – it’s too painful. Scr*w it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

    CURRY 8 – NAIDOO’S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY Judge 1 — The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
    Judge 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot curry?
    Judge 3 — No Report

    • 4. Olga  |  Julie 4, 2014 om 12:11 vm

      RIP Judge 3. Nie vir al die bier in die wereld nie, dankie.


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