Gatskop Week

September 16, 2013 at 8:46 vm 10 Kommentaar

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Entry filed under: Musiek. Tags: .

In my verdediging…….. Wat maak ‘n ma bang?

10 Kommentaar Add your own

  • 1. Klip  |  September 16, 2013 om 8:23 nm

    Ek kan ongelukkig nie die video sien nie.(of wat dit ook al is).

    Antwoord
  • 2. Klip  |  September 16, 2013 om 8:24 nm

    Jannie kom by die skool en vertel sy juffrou die storie:

    Jannie : Juffrou sal dit nou nie glo nie, laas naweek het ons gaan visvang. Ons het 33 babers gevang. Juffrou sal dit nou nie glo nie, maar nie een was onder 15 kg nie.
    Juffrou : Jislaaik Jannie, dit was ‘n verskriklike vangs.
    Die juffrou wil nou nie vir Jannie in sy gesig sê hy praat nou regtig tjol nie. Sy besluit om dit op ‘n diplomatiese manier te doen. Sy besluit sy gaan ook so wilde storie vertel en daardeur vir Jannie laat verstaan sy glo nou glad nie sy stories nie.
    Juffrou : Jannie, jy sal my nou nie glo nie maar daar het net so verskriklike ding die naweek met my gebeur. Ek en die kinders loop kortpad deur die veld, en die volgende oomblik grom daar ‘n leeu hier reg langs ons. Jannie jy sal dit nou nie glo nie, maardie leeu kom toe aangehardloop en ons sien hy gaan ons opvreet. Die volgende wat ons sien is die Jack Russel wat ook hier uit die bos aangehardloop kom. Jannie jy sal dit nou nie glo nie, maar die Jack Russel gryp toe sowaar die leeu en hy verniel vir hom. Hy skud daai leeu naderhand so woes rond dat jy sommer hoor hoe die leeu se nek klap. Jannie jy sal dit nie glo nie, daar lê die leeu toe, heel vrek.
    Juffrou : Jannie, glo jy die storie wat ek jou nou net vertel het?
    Waarop Jannie antwoord : Maar natuurlik juffrou, dit was my Jack Russel!

    Antwoord
  • 3. Klip  |  September 16, 2013 om 10:34 nm

    She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds.

    “Who was it?” he asked.

    “My husband,” she replied.

    “I better get going,” he said. “Where was he?”

    “Relax. He’s downtown playing poker with you.”

    Antwoord
  • 4. Klip  |  September 16, 2013 om 10:36 nm

    A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full-length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

    One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.”

    Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. “How long will this take?” she asks.

    “They’ll grow larger over a period of years,” he replies.

    The wife stops and asks, “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?”

    The husband shrugs, “Why not, it worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

    The husband lived, and with therapy, might even walk again.

    Antwoord
  • 5. Klip  |  September 16, 2013 om 10:41 nm

    A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

    “Objection!” said the defense attorney. “Irrelevant!”

    “Oh, that’s okay,” said the blonde from the witness stand. “I don’t mind answering the question.”

    “I object!” the defense said again.

    “No, really,” said the blonde. “I’ll answer.”

    The judge ruled: “If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object.”

    So the prosecutor repeated the question: “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

    The blonde replied brightly, “I don’t know.

    Antwoord
  • 6. Klip  |  September 16, 2013 om 11:05 nm

    Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed.

    Finally, one woman turned to the other. “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!”

    “I know,” the other woman replied. “I heard it snoring.”

    Antwoord
  • 7. Klip  |  September 16, 2013 om 11:19 nm

    THE ALARM FART.

    This is a good fart for the beginner. It is easy to identify. It starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, and ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. It sounds like something is wrong. If it happens to you you will know right off why it is called the Alarm Fart. You will be alarmed. The alarm fart however is rare.

    THE AMPLIFIED FART.

    This is any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from the fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table, and empty fifty gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they are strong through being amplified in this way can be called an Amplified Fart. These are common farts under the right conditions.

    THE BATHTUB FART.

    People who would never in their life know one fart from another, who would like to act like fart don’t exist, will have to admit a Bathtub Fart is something special. It is the only fart you can see! What you see is the bubbles. The Bathtub Fart can be either single or multiple noted and fair or foul as to odor. It makes no difference. The farmer’s location is what does it. Maybe there is a kind of muffled pong and one big bubble. Or there may be a ping ping ping and a bunch of bubbles. The sound I should point out depends somewhat on the depth of the water and even more on the tub. If it is one of those big old heavy tubs with the funny legs you can get terrific sound effects. While one of the new thin ones half buried in the floor can be disappointing. But either way, as long as the water is deep enough, whatever the sound, up comes the bubble or bubbles and you have to be quick but glance back over your shoulder and you have seen it, the Bathtub Fart, the most positively identifiable fart known to man. It is a common fart and strictly group one unless you are a kid still young enough to take baths with your friends.

    THE BIGGEST FART IN THE WORLD FART.

    Like the great bald eagle, this fart is pretty well described just by its name. This can either be a group one or a group two fart and can occur just about anywhere. I heard it one time, a group two identification, in a crowded high school auditorium one night, right in that silence that happens when a room full of people has stopped singing the Star Spangled Banner and sat down.

    It came from the back. There was not a soul in that room that missed it. A fart like that can be impressive. The most diagnostic characteristic of the Biggest Fart In The World is it size. Fart freaks who go around showing off, farting like popcorn machines and making faces before they fart or asking you to pull their finger and then they fart, never have what it takes for this one, which is rare even among your most serious farters.

    THE BURNING BRAKES FART.

    A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually an adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes and seems to hang around longer than most farts which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn’t you know who farted. A common automobile fart.

    THE CAR DOOR FART.

    Either a group one or a group two fart. Very tricky. It is meant to be a concealed fart. A matter of close timing is involved, the farter trying to fart at the exact moment he slams the car door shut. It is usually a good loud fart. It is one of the funnier farts when it doesn’t work, which is almost every time. It is a desperation fart and not too common.

    THE CELESTIAL FART.

    Not to be confused with the Did An Angel Speak Fart, which is simply any loud fart in church. The Celestial Fart is soft and delicate, surprising in a boy or an adult. It is probably the most shy of all farts and might be compared with the wood thrush, a very shy bird. It does not have the sly or cunning sound of the Whisper Fart. It is just a very small clear fart with no odor at all. Very rare.

    THE CHINESE FIRECRACKER FART.

    This is an exceptional multiple noted fart identified by the number and variety of its noises, mostly pops and bangs. Often when you think it is all over it still has a few pops and bangs to go. In friendly company this one can get applause. Uncommon.

    THE CROWD FART.

    The Crowd Fart is distinguished by its very potent odor, strong enough to make quite a few people look around. The trick here is not to identify the fart but the farter. This is almost impossible unless the farter panics and starts a fit of coughing or starts staring at the ceiling or the sky as though something up there fascinates him. In which case he is the one. Very common.

    THE DID AN ANGEL SPEAK FART.

    This is any loud fart in church. This fart was first called to my attention by my father. He probably read about it somewhere. For fart watchers who go to church, this is a good one to watch for as this is the only place it can be found.

    Antwoord
  • 8. Klip  |  September 17, 2013 om 12:49 vm

    A man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.

    “What did you take?” his priest asked.

    “Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake.”

    “This is very serious,” the priest said. “I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?”

    “No, Father, I haven’t,” the man replied. “But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber.”

    Antwoord
    • 9. Olga  |  September 22, 2013 om 10:05 nm

      😆

      Antwoord
  • 10. Klip  |  September 20, 2013 om 2:10 vm

    Elke oggend betree die trotse hoenderhaan die hoenderhok. Saggies “soen” hy nege van tien henne. Maar van die tiende hoenderhen pluk hy ‘n veer. So gaan dit aan van dag tot dag…. die nege “gesoende” hoenders is bly, en die tiende hoender dra die pyn geduldig.

    Maar op die 14de dag het die hoenderhen nou genoeg van hierdie prosedure gehad en sy skree vir die haan: “Jy kom elke oggend breëbors hier ingestap en “soen” al die nege ander henne.

    Maar by my pluk jy ‘n veer! Wats jou plan??“

    Die haan fluister in haar oor:

    “Vir jou wil ek kaalgat sien Skattie!“

    Antwoord

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